Today, such a beautiful sunny and warm day..... started out just fine..... just great in fact!

After lunch, I took my lounge chair and a pillow and a Danielle Steel book out to the backyard to sit in the sun and enjoy the afternoon.......

But, that was not meant to last too long.......... about 1:30, my daughter came outside in tears.

A cousin of ours, 19 years old, was killed in an accident on the highway just north of here. He was at our house for a family gathering just two weekends ago. He was the highlight of family gatherings - always the one with the jokes and funny stories.

His mother is an RN. She was with me the day my dad died and I'll never forget the support she was for my family. Now, she has to deal with a death herself....... on Mother's Day.

My girls, being so close in age, are taking it really hard and it's so hard to help them process this news. Except to be here for them. That's all I can do.

Death is hard - and it is certainly not fair for a mother to have to lose a child on Mother's Day.

I'm sure I'll have more on this subject as the week goes on........... none of this has sunk in yet. And being from a small town (a VERY small town) this will stop the entire town in it's tracks. People are starting to call and news has spread fast. It's going to be a long week.

When I told my middle daughter the news, tears welled up in her eyes and she said "Happy Mother's Day Mom"!

It's so hard.

I will not forget this Mother's Day!

"There is no such thing as 'Out of the Blue'!!"

Leaving the City of Regret

I had not really planned on taking a trip this time of year, and yet, I found myself packing rather hurriedly. This trip was going to be unpleasant and I knew in advance that no real good would come of it. I'm talking about my annual "Guilt Trip".

I got tickets to fly there on "WISHIHAD" airlines. It was an extremely short flight. I got my baggage, which, I could not check. I chose to carry it myself all the way. It was weighted down with a thousand memories of what Might Have Been.

No one greeted me as I entered the terminal to the Regret City International Airport. I say international because people from all over the world come to this dismal town. As I checked into the Last Resort Hotel, I noticed that they would be hosting the year's most important event, the Annual Pity Party.

I wasn't going to miss that great social occasion. Many of the town’s leading citizens would be there. First, there would be the Done family, You Know, Should Have, Would Have and Could Have. Then came the I Had family. You probably know ol' Wish and his clan. Of course, the Opportunities would be present, Missed and Lost. The biggest family would be the Yesterday's. There are far too many of them to count, but each one would have a very sad story to share. Then Shattered Dreams would surely make an appearance. And It's Their Fault would regale us with stories (excuses) about how things had failed in his life, and each story would be loudly applauded by Don't Blame Me and I Couldn't Help It.

Well, to make a long story short, I went to this depressing party knowing that there would be no real benefit in doing so. And, as usual, I became very depressed. But as I thought about all of the stories of failures brought back from the past, it occurred to me that all of this trip and subsequent "pity party" could be canceled by ME!

I started to realize that I did not have to be there. I didn't have to be depressed. One thing kept going through my mind, "I can't change yesterday, but I do have the power to make today a wonderful day".

I can be happy, joyous, fulfilled, encouraged, as well as encouraging. Knowing this, I left the city of Regret immediately and left no forwarding address.

Am I sorry for the mistakes I've made in the past? YES! But there is no physical way to undo them.

So, if you are planning a trip to the city of Regret, please cancel all your Reservations now.

Instead, take a trip to a place called Starting Again. I liked it so much that I have now taken up permanent residence there. My neighbors, the I Forgive Myself and the New Starts are so very helpful.

By the way, you don't have to carry around heavy baggage, because the load is lifted from your shoulders upon arrival. You too, can find this new town; just ask the Lord to show you the way. Now I live on ICANDOIT Street.

I have a fairly "normal" life - nothing out of the ordinary.  We wake up, we eat, we work, we play, we go back to bed.  In between there, there are bills and worries and the housework and the yardwork and extended family etc. etc...  Fairly routine!

This morning, unlike any other, I woke up, hopped in the shower, got half dressed, open the curtains, was amazed at how beautiful it was out....so green and bright and no wind..... so I opened almost every window in the house. Then proceeded to finish getting ready for the day......

By then, the kids are starting to get up and while one is in the shower, the other is turning on Ellen, and the other is making toast.....

I am not a big make-up person so I take all of 20 minutes to get ready in the morning. Shower, lotion, clothes, hair..... and I'm good to go!

This morning, I had some extra time, so I started the dishes - the kids seemed to be getting themselves going and we were ALL looking forward to the nice warm day outside.  I was standing at the kitchen window, filling up the sink, listening to Ellen in the background, answering the kids questions one by one

"where's my backpack?"

"I need a lunch!"

"can I have money for ice cream after school?"

"I have soccer tonight"

and on and on........

Then, WHAM!!!!!!!

all of a sudden, I get this whiff of the most horrendous disgusting smell.... something that burns the hair in your nose!

Someone yells:  "what's that smell??"

We live about a block away from a farm.  Not a farm with a barn and animals - but a farm that grows wheat, or barley or lentils or whatever he grows out there.  He was out spraying it down for weeds or bugs or something............. enough spray to kill the average human, obviously!!!  On such a beautiful glorious and sunny day - we had to close the whole house up to keep the stench out!  PLUS, instant headaches to go around........ everyone was reaching for the Advil before we left the house.

When I was a kid, the farmers around here "sprayed" in early July.  It was for weeds. 

Now, they spray before they seed, after they seed, during the heat, after the rain and just before harvest.....just in case!!  It is absolutely disgusting!  No wonder we're all suffering from cancer and breathing problems!  Not only do we get the stench in the air, but we end up eating this stuff once they've harvested it us for the grocery shelves!!

And for any farmer out there that wants to tell me how this is their livelihood and if it weren't for them then I would starve.......... I know, I know - but tell me how they grew crops 50 years ago without any of these chemicals????? 

And on another note - (and I don't smoke, I hate it!!)  How can we have SO many anti-smoking campaigns and people totally dead set against smoking in public, but we can't have any protection laws for the chemicals floating in the air that do a LOT more harm than a little cigarette smoke? Why can't this farmer have limits as to how close to town he sprays?

Just a thought! 

And that's my beef for the day!  The Advil worked and I'm safely tucked away in my air-conditioned cold hard office where I won't get any un-fresh air for the rest of the day. 

Lucky me!

(Go Organic - look for it in your grocery stores!!)

I saw an interesting clip on CNN today about Energy drinks. And I have a story myself......

This past Friday, I came home to my 10 year old and two of his friends laying around watching TV and playing video games.  Nothing out of the ordinary. It was a rainy day and they were waiting for the clouds to go away so they could go outside to play.  I wasn't home very long when the sun came out and they were all hyper to go out and run around.

I was busy cleaning up the kitchen so I could make another mess in there, had to check the mail, change my clothes, answer the phone a couple dozen times.... you know the drill! 

Not long after they were outside, my son came back in for some Coke - they all took a can and away they went.....

Well, later on, I started cleaning up the mess they blessed me with in the living room and I came across 6 empty cans of Energy Drinks.  It wasn't Red Bull, but something just like it.  That meant they each had 2 cans of energy drinks, and now a can of coke!! 

When they came in later I asked them if any of them had any stomach pains or anything..... the one boy said he drank energy drinks all the time - doesn't bother him!!

Maybe we don't get out enough, I don't know.  My son was awake ALL night that night! Started about 2AM - he came and woke me up because his tummy was "burning" he said. 

"Ya think??" 

I got up and made him a sandwich and gave him some milk - thinking that it might help absorb some of the acid, or whatever these drinks do to you.  He couldn't eat it - he kept thinking he was going to vomit.  Prior to waking me up he told me he kept having nightmares.  He had every light on that he could find, was pale and shaking and I could tell his stomach was hurting!

I ended up giving him a bottle of tums and I let him play on the laptop in his room.  He was awake until 6AM - eating tums like they were candy.

He swears he'll never have another energy drink.  He has had them before - but only ONE - and it was always before a hockey game or something.  And it was never "chased" by Coke afterwards!!!   Crazy kid!  I think the lesson has been learned.