Jamocha by Jamocha

The ladies (and some men) might find this an interesting read:

In general, since we cannot absolutely attribute lack of sex drive to hormones - and since there is very little hormone treatment available even if we could - perhaps we need to look at the problem another way.

The first thing to say is that if you feel very definitely sexier on some days of the month than others, make sure that you and your partner capitalise on them! These are the times of the month when you should come home and go straight to bed with your loved one, some smoked salmon sandwiches and a bottle of wine - or a tub of luxury ice-cream. And if you have children, you should arrange for them to go to Granny's or to a sleep-over at a friend's house.

By planning to have lots of sex when it's going to be great, neither you nor your partner should mind so much that there are days when all you want to offer is a quickie or a cuddle.

But what if your sex drive is pretty dormant all through the month?

Well, the sorry fact is that you may be a bit bored in your relationship, or tired, or feeling resentful towards your partner.

When we are newly in love, we usually have no problems with libido. In fact we often feel as if we're permanently 'on heat'!

Of course, when we first start a relationship, everything is new and exciting so our brains are very stimulated. So maybe the answer is to work on our brains - not our hormones - to spark off our sex drives. And perhaps we need to modify our lifestyles if we are to keep our desire for sex in tip-top shape.

Unfortunately, there is a tendency for relationships to become routine after a while. Sex, which before happened on occasional dates, is there on tap once people move in together. Interestingly, once we get used to the idea that we can 'have it' anytime, we tend to have it less.

Also, both partners in a relationship generally go out to work, with many working extremely long hours. So masses of people are tired, stressed and don't get round to eating properly - they are in a rut.

It does seem likely that loss of libido has as much to do with these factors as it has to do with hormones. So any woman whose sex drive isn't up to much should take a very careful look at her lifestyle.

Here are some tips that should improve the situation.

Try to add some fresh romance into the relationship and spend quality time together.
Visualise your partner as he used to look in your early days of dating and allow yourself to feel the excitement you used to feel.
Exercise your mind sexually by reading erotic books or thinking sexy thoughts - especially on the days you think you might make love
Assess how much sleep you're getting as fatigue is the biggest enemy of libido.
If you're tired all the time see your doctor in case you need an iron supplement.
If you're overweight and very lethargic, see your doctor in case you have an underactive thyroid.
If your diet is composed of rushed sandwiches and processed foods, buy a book on nutrition and re-think what you are fuelling your body with.
If nutrition seems likely to be at least part of your problem, consider contacting the Natural Health Advisory Service – formerly knows as the Women's Nutritional Advisory Service.

Another problem nowadays may be that we expect far too much of ourselves. We, and our partners, see films and read books where women are always up for sex. But do people make films or write stories in which the women can't relax enough to have an orgasm, or when they've got a messy period, or when they're exhausted with juggling marriage, children and a demanding job? Not usually.

Many sex experts trying to deal with loss of libido believe that hidden hostility towards the partner has a great deal to do with a lack of sex drive.

Often when a woman is blaming her hormones for her lack of desire, closer inspection of the relationship reveals all sorts of stresses, strains and anger. If such a woman is fed up because her man is never romantic to her, or never takes her out, or never thanks her for a beautifully cooked meal, or always expects her to take responsibility for contraception, it's hardly surprising that she doesn't feel like rewarding him in bed. Therefore, she loses interest.

Addressing this kind of problem is much harder than deciding 'it's all to do with hormones'. The unpalatable truth is that it's the relationship that needs changing - and that cannot be done hormonally.

After some counselling, it’s common for us to find that the woman has gone off sex because of some flaw in the relationship. Perhaps the man is too bossy, or overbearing, for example. Sometimes therapy can put this right especially if both the man and the woman can accept that this is in effect a relationship rather than a purely sexual problem.

Occasionally, one or both partners refuse to face up the fact that there is no magic pill to cure their problems and that they need instead to make changes in the relationship – and when that happens, they usually stop going for therapy.

Of course, there are specific times in a woman's life when she may have most difficulty with lack of desire. For example: after the birth of a child, after a termination, after miscarriage, when suffering from pre-menstrual tension and around the menopause.

PMS
This is a big problem for many women and most doctors now agree that it is something to do with a woman's sex hormones.

One theory – put forward by the late Dr Katharina Dalton – has been that PMS is connected with progesterone. As we have already seen, this is one of our main sex hormones and we have high levels of it during the second part of our cycle until just before we begin to menstruate.

Some specialists believe that problems occur when the levels of progesterone are not high enough. However there is no consistent alteration in progesterone levels in PMS, and clinical trials have provided conflicting results. In other words, we still have not reached a point where anyone has shown for certain that blood levels of progesterone are connected with PMS

Confusing, isn't it? Lack of sex drive pre-menstrually is just one of many problems experienced by women with PMS. Incidentally, there is some evidence to show that if a woman does make love at this time - even if her inclination to do so is not strong - then she will actually feel better, because sex brings considerable release from tension.

Many health food shops can recommend food supplements and minerals that improve the condition. And the Natural Health Advisory Service (formerly known as the Women's Nutritional Advisory Service, or WNAS, claims success in treating PMS. By doing so, they found, almost by accident, that they were vastly improving women's levels of sexual desire, too. Their belief is that today's woman is simply not taking in the nutrients that she requires, and that this has a bad effect on the woman's hormones. They educate the woman about nutrition and claim a very high success rate.

Does this mean then that PMS might not be caused by a lack of progesterone and could instead be something to do with oestrogen levels dropping too far before the period? No one seems to know.

Menopause

By the time you reach the menopause, there is a lot more information available about your hormones. However, much of it is unclear and conflicting. And, as I have already said, doctors are much keener to try to prevent bone loss or heart disease than to discuss whether or not our sex drives have failed.

What about sex? When HRT first came on the market there was a lot of nonsense written about its sexy qualities. Nowadays experts play this aspect down. They tend to say that HRT makes a woman feel much healthier and more energetic and that her sex drive increases because of that.

Many menopausal women are now also experimenting with a diet rich in plant oestrogens and are taking food supplements like soya or red clover. One of the benefits of these dietary changes is that the vagina becomes much more moist. And though a dry vagina is not in itself indicative of loss of sex drive, it certainly makes sex uncomfortable and as a consequence a woman may turn against sex and lose interest in it.

The use of natural oestrogens in this country is in its infancy, but many women are claiming to feel various benefits from changing their diets to include them.

Conclusion

So, is loss of sex drive a hormonal problem?

Well, the jury is still out on that one – though you can expect to be exposed soon to a barrage of publicity about how testosterone can ‘cure your lack of libido.’ One thing is clear; there are a number of ways that this widespread difficulty can be improved - and I hope that having read all this information you will find some ways that you feel you can tackle the problem